29 June 2013

Left Behind

post signature2010 was one of the hardest years I had been through in my life,  I thought perhaps raising a child on my own would top the list of things I've endured in my lifetime. I have been through a large number of ups and down through out my life that you would think by now I would be used to it, but you never get used to set-backs and disappointments, you dread them like the plague and wish you where never born to go through it all, but the toughest is yet to come.

 At the end of August my almost 3 years of being back in Tennessee will finally be over with, but it doesn't really end there, it continues on, for at this point and time I find that after all I have endured and thinking that things will go great, I find that they really aren't going to go well for me the way I had hoped they would. I will be at the end of August be on my own, without a home, or a job, yes I will be sent packing, the house will be closed up, the man I was a live-in caregiver has been re-located to California to live in a long-term care home, I on the other hand will not be so lucky, and what comes to mind is this, for the almost 3years I have been here I have felt alone, hardly anyone called to see how I was, only on a rare occasion was I in contact with any of my friends, some I have known for over 30 years, even bothered but only twice to contact me, and that was via Skype, I tried to keep in-touch with them but found that they weren't to concerned about how I was or what affects this had on me, they really just wanted to go on with their lives, in fact one of them said that since you've been back there it's almost as if you had died, I just don't think about you that much, WOW anyone hear the slap in the face?

I really thought that I was cared about more than I thought I was, but it just seem to be the opposite. So at the end of August I will indeed find myself living out of a backpack somewhere still in the state of Tennessee. At that point I will have lost everything, the dogs, bird, and all my belongings I had hope to hang onto until I found a job and could move into my own place, but without a job, you cannot pay for things. Not to mention what affect this will have on my son, who is living in Oregon.

I didn't know what forum to post this on, FaceBook, or here and I chose here, because I felt that after all these years that the bloggers I got to know over time would be supportive even though I have only met a few of you in person.

I do not know what tomorrow will bring, and I have prayed till my heads falling off.

Thanks for listening, or reading this, it's not the full story, but you get the jest.

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